Seriously? Do you WANT to be single forever? Then quit making a fool of yourself online.
Did you ever have a great first date and then wonder why she doesn’t respond to your messages for a second date? Did your friends ever introduce you to a guy, only for him to cancel your first date last minute, and wonder why?
I have two words for you: social media.
Let’s be fair, ladies and gentlemen. Let the one who never posted a drunken Friday night pub photo, or a stupid bunny loves puppy video, cast the first stone. I certainly won’t be doing any casting here. Guilty as charged; Done and done.
But then again, I am not looking for love. If you are, you may wish to rethink your social media footprint.
If you’re self-absorbed and craving compliments from online friends, don’t expect him to call.
My friend Greg recently cancelled a would-be first date with someone he thought was the girl of his dreams. She was a blind date, introduced by a friend. The only thing he knew was her first name and the photo his friend showed him.
He was super excited and the girl was a promising total package. She had a gorgeous face, a knock-out body, a successful career, and was looking for a serious relationship. Sounded perfect, until he found her Facebook page (which was not difficult).
Even though her last name was not listed, they shared a mutual friend and armed with only her first name, it took him only a minute to locate her profile. The first thing he saw was her post that she visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Great, an art lover! He was, too.
He did not know her enough to send a friend request, but could not help opening her page again a few hours later. There she was, making duck faces in front of a random work of art. No credit to the artist, no acknowledgement of the statue at all—just her duck-faced selfie and numerous obligatory remarks from her friends about how fabulous she looked.
This went on for hours. There she was in the Egyptian Gallery looking gorgeous. There she was by the impressionists, stunning. By the time her duck-lipped selfies hit the Greco-Roman gallery, people admired everything from her hair, to her shoes and makeup. (She did simultaneously tweet her “art excursion” as well.)
We don’t know which work of art affected her most or in which gallery she spent most of her time; none of that was posted. Greg promptly texted her with some lame excuse about being away on business and never got in touch with her again.
Greg did not have the guts to tell her what he told me: he couldn’t possibly imagine a life with a self-absorbed, compliment-craving creature who spends the day at one of the greatest Museums on earth and finds nothing to admire but herself.
Just important to note: sharing your closed-minded opinions online will also NEVER get you that second date.
Similarly, one of my clients, Julie, cancelled a second date with Jim after their first date was nothing but lovely. They had a wonderful dinner, they flirted, and they kissed. It wasn’t until Jim friended Julie on Facebook that she decided she did not want to see him again.
Jim had some very firm political beliefs, but that was not a problem. Both his Facebook and Twitter pages were full of violent arguments with people he did not even know who had opposing political views. Julie decided she could not put up with someone who picks fights with random people over opinions.
Remember, your online persona hides who you really are.
So what does your social media footprint look like? Have you ever considered how it looks to your potential love interests? It is one thing to share a raunchy joke with an old buddy who appreciates your sense of humor since the third grade. The same joke, however, may seem raunchy and vile to a girl you just met, nor would you tell it to her in person because you know better.
Guess what? That same girl is now reading it, and it’s just as repulsive to her in print as it’d be if you’re stupid enough to tell it on a first date.
Likewise, ladies, if you’re frugal and thrifty and never live above your means, if your every other Instagram photo is from either Sacks or Bergdorf Goodman, even the most financially secure gentleman will think twice before starting a relationship that may eventually take him to the poorhouse.
So, if you are serious about finding love and starting a serious relationship, please review your social media profiles. What do they say about you? Do they agree that you are a healthy, well-rounded individual who is ready for love, or do they portray a self-absorbed, shallow creature that thrives in the make-believe worlds of their own making?